To all my children:
LIFE is defined as the period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? It is also defined as the existence of an individual human being or animal. Existence has many definitions; my favorite being-a way of living. Living-to remain alive; to have an exciting and fulfilling life; the pursuit of a lifestyle. I find myself in a place at this current moment that I do not know which lifestyle I want to pursue. Life has dealt me quite a bit of bullshit cards lately, leaving me in a very futile state of mind unfortunately. They say, “what does not kill you will only make you stronger.” My children, I will not lie to you. Nobody knows the meaning of life, and everybody copes with life's dealings differently. No one can tell you how to cope with situations that will come in your direction. This is not meant to sound heartless, but you will have to live and learn.
When I was a kid, just barely hit double digits, your grandmother was brutally attacked in front of your aunt and me. At one point, your grandmother stopped breathing in my arms while she was bleeding out. This year marked 20 years that your grandmother has been living with all types of health issues, physical and mental. This year marked 20 years that your aunt and I still suffer from PTSD from the attack. Now I will not go into detail about what childhood was like post-assault, I bring up the incident to highlight how young I was when I realized that the life God has written for me was not going to be easy and full of bright days. Much of my adolescence was spent telling myself life couldn’t get any worse. For a while, I felt as though it did anyway. It took quite some time, and sad to say, one, too many failed suicide attempts, for me to take the phrase, it could be worse, and run with it.
It was not until I had my first born that I felt utter, everlasting love and joy. In that moment, I was given a new lifestyle to pursue. Becoming a mother gave my life purpose. Now, I had a reason to exist. Not to put pressure on you, my precious babies, but it is true that I live and breathe for you. The world, especially the people in it, can be very cruel at times. One of the many reasons I decided to have as many children as God will bless me with is so when life does strike one of my offspring, there will be no room for any of you to feel alone. Always seek comfort in one another. Shower each other with eternal love. What I have learned in my recent years is that life’s challenges are easier to manage when you are surrounded by love. Corny as it may sound, love is all you need!
I love you children. More than life itself! Never will I stop protecting you and doing my best to guide you through life. God forbid something should take me away from you before it is too soon...in case, always remember my words. You are smart, strong and will not ever be alone. Your mother will always be with you! In life and death. When my time does come, know, I do not want you to be sad. Always live your life to the fullest no matter what happens in life. There will be times when it is easier said than done, you must force yourselves to be happy in every moment, good or bad!! Nothing is more important than your safety and happiness, so remain both. LIVE, my loves.
signed: Jade’sTone